SCOOTER TRASH ETIQUETTE

PERSONAL HYGIENE

UNLIKE CLOTHES AND SHOES,A TOOTHBRUSH SHOULD NEVER BE A HAND-ME -DOWN.

WHILE EARS NEED TO BE CLEANED REGURARLY, THIS IS A JOB THAT SHOULD BE DONE IN PRIVATE USING YOUR OWN KEYS.

PROPER USE OF TOILETRIES CAN FORSTALL BATHING FOR SEVERAL DAYS. HOWEVER, IF YOU LIVE ALONE, DEODORANT IS A WASTE OF GOOD MONEY.

DIRT AND GREASE UNDER THE FINGERNAILS IS A NO-NO AS THEY TEND TO DETRACT FROM  A WOMANS JEWLERY.

PLUCKING UNWANTED NOSE HAIR IS TIME CONSUMING WORK. A CIGARETTE LIGHTER AND A SMALL TOLERANCE FOR PAIN CAN ACCOMPLISH THE SAME GOAL AND SAVE HOURS.

DINING OUT

WHEN SERVING WINE, MAKE SURE YOU TILT THE PAPER CUP AND POUR SLOWELY AS NOT TO  "BRUISE" THE FRUIT OF THE VINE. IF DRINKING DIRECTLY FROM THE BOTTLE, ALWAYS HOLD IT WITH YOUR FINGERS COVERING THE LABEL.

REMEMBER TO LEAVE A BIG TIP FOR GOOD SERVICE. AFTER ALL THEIR MOBILE HOME COST JUST AS MUCH AS YOURS.

ENTERTANING IN YOUR HOME

DON'T ALLOW THE DOG TO EAT AT THE TABLE........EVEN  IF HIS MANNERS ARE BETTER THAN YOURS.

A CENTERPIECE FOR THE TABLE SHOULD NEVER BE ANYTHING PREPARED BY A TAXIDERMIST.

GASOLINE OR MOTOR OIL ON THE HOSTESS HANDS CAN  DETER FROM  THE TASTE OF FINGER FOODS.

BE CONSIDERATE OF YOUR GUEST. POINT OUT IN ADVANCE WHERE THE ASS THREATENING  SPRINGS ARE IN THE  SOFA.

IF YOUR DOG FALLS IN LOVE WITH A GUEST'S LEG, HAVE THE DECENCY TO LEAVE THEM ALONE FOR A FEW MINUTES.

DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)

ALWAYS OFFER TO BAIT YOUR DATES HOOK, ESPECIALLY ON THE FIRST DATE.

NEVER TAKE YOUR DATE FLOWERS THAT ARE STOLEN FROM A CEMETERY, NO MATTER HOW BROKE YOU ARE.

BE AGGRESSIVE. LET HER KNOW YOU ARE INTERESTED:  " I HAVE WANTED TO GO OUT WITH YOU SINCE I READ THAT STUFF ON THE MENS ROOM  WALL TWO YEARS AGO."

THERE ARE SOME WOMEN THAT YOU SHOULD NOT TAKE TO A DOG SHOW EVEN IF YOU THINK THEY MIGHT WIN.

IF THE GIRLS NAME DOES NOT APPEAR REGURALY ON  A BATHROOM WALL, WATER TOWER, OR AN UVERPASS, ODDS ARE THE DATE WILL END IN  FRUSTRATION.

EVEN IF YOU CAN'T GET A DATE AVOIVD KIDNAPPING. IT'S BAD FOR YOUR REPUTATION.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

NEVER TOW ANOTHER MOTORCYCLE USING PANTY HOSE OR DUCT TAPE.

WHEN TELLING YOUR WIFE TO WALK  DOWN THE ROAD FOR GAS , IT IS IMPOLITE TO ASK HER TO BRING BACK A SIX PACK.

NEVER RELIEVE YOURSELF FROM A MOVING MOTORCYCLE.

NEVER LAY RUBBER WHILE TRAVELING IN A FUNERAL PROCESSION.

AFTER TAKING A YOUNG HARD-BELLY FOR A RIDE, DON'T GET CAUGHT SMELLING THE PEE PAD.

THEATER ETIQUETTE

CRYING BABIES SHOULD BE TAKEN TO THE LOBBY AND THEN PICKED UP AS SOON AS THE MOVIE IS OVER.

REFRAIN FROM TALKING TO CHARACTERS ON THE SCREEN.        I HAVE BEEN TOLD THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU.

WEDDINGS

IT IS OKAY TO BRING A DATE TO A WEDDING UNLESS YOU ARE THE GROOM.

LIVESTOCK IS USUALLY A POOR CHOICE FOR A WEDDING GIFT.

KISSING THE BRIDE FOR MORE THAN A FEW MINUTES OR ON BODY PARTS BELOW THE NECK IS CONSIDERED TACKY.

A BRIDEL VAIL MADE OF WINDOW SCREEN IS NOT JUST COST EFFECTIVE IT IS A PROVEN FLY DETERRENT.

FOR THE GROOM, AT LEAST RENT A TUX. JEANS AND A CUT OFF HARLEY SHIRT CAN CREATE A NATTY APPERANCE , AND THOUGH IT MIGHT BE UNCOMFORTABLE, SAY YES TO SOCKS AND SHOES FOR THIS OCCASION.

TIPS FOR OTHER OCCASIONS

NEVER TAKE A BEER TO A JOB INTERVIEW  OR ASK IF THEY PRESS CHARGES.

ALWAYS IDENTIFY PEOPLE IN YOUR YARD BEFORE SHOOTING THEM.

ALWAYS SAY EXCUSE ME AFTER GETTING SICK ON SOMEONE ELSE'S MOTORCYCLE.

IT'S CONSIDERED BAD MANNERS TO TAKE A COOLER TO CHURCH.

EVEN IF YOU ARE INCLUDED IN THE WILL, IT IS TACKY TO DRIVE A  U-HAUL TO THE FUNERAL HOME.

IF YOU HAVE TO VACUME THE BED IT IS TIME TO CHANGE THE SHEETS.

THE SOCIALLY REFINED NEVER FISH COINS FROM  PUBLIC TOILETS WHILE OTHERS ARE WATCHING.

ALWAYS PROVIDE AN ALIBI TO THE POLICE FOR OTHER SCOOTER TRASH.

THE RULE TO FOLLOW WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS.

STICK YOUR DICK IN YOUR EAR AND FUCK SOME SENSE INTO YOURSELF.